Fake MARTA

I would highly encourage everyone to view the "Fake MARTA" Facebook page. For those who don't know, MARTA stands for "Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority" and consists of bus service and rail service. It's basically a joke. The rail service is meant to look and function like a subway, but for all intents and purposes is a commuter train. There simply aren't enough stops on the rail lines to make the rail a viable means of transport unless you live within walking distance of one rail station are going to a place within walking distance of another rail station. I know you're thinking "well duh"... but consider that the city of Atlanta is 132 sq miles and MARTA's rail system features all of four rail lines and 38 rail stations, an average of a whopping one rail station per 3.47 sq miles. Only that's not even accurate either, since at least 13 stations are located outside of the city limits of Atlanta, so it's more like one rail station every 5.28 sq miles inside the city of Atlanta.

Thanks to chronic mismanagement, inadequate infrastructure, and a bad reputation, MARTA is facing a fairly sizeable budget shortfall (this is discussed on the Fake MARTA facebook page). With the shortfall looming, MARTA is now forced to evaluate different alternatives for cutting costs. In order to gauge consumer impact, MARTA crafted this brilliant survey. I've taken the liberty of inserting some of the questions and possible responses below.


How would the following affect your MARTA ridership?

18 * Stop bus and rail service at midnight during weekends.


Would ride MARTA the same
Would ride MARTA more
Would ride MARTA less
Would not ride MARTA at all

19 * Stop bus and rail service at midnight 7 days a week.


Would ride MARTA the same
Would ride MARTA more
Would ride MARTA less
Would not ride MARTA at all

20 * Start bus and rail service after 6:00 a.m. on weekends


Would ride MARTA the same
Would ride MARTA more
Would ride MARTA less
Would not ride MARTA at all

21 * Start bus and rail service after 6:00 a.m. 7 days a week.


Would ride MARTA the same
Would ride MARTA more
Would ride MARTA less
Would not ride MARTA at all


Who designed these questions, some remedial 7th graders? I almost fell over when I read this. Who would ride the system MORE if LESS service was offered? Is there really a person who says "I'd certainly ride MARTA more frequently if they stopped service at midnight each night/ after 6:00a each day/ stopped rail service at midnight on the weekends, but not on weeknights"??? It's like asking someone if they would go to Wal Mart more frequently if Wal Mart decided to close at 5:00p on Tuesdays. It's a completely illogical scenario! And to think, the results of THIS survey are going aid MARTA in determining which, if any, services to cut? No wonder they're going broke.

I do ride MARTA on occasion. A rail station is across the street from my condo and $4.00 round trip to the airport is a lot better than $9/ day to park; $4.00 round trip to Turner Field is a lot better than $15 to park and not allowing myself to have a few extra beers for fear of the drive home, etc. Below are some of my more memorable MARTA rail experiences:

-Riding the airport last summer, a couple of overweight, blue collar looking guys boarded the train at one of the south Atlanta stops, which isn't a very good area. One of the guys was a drinking a beer from a tall boy can wrapped in a slim brown paper bag. The guy sat there and drank his beer, other than the bag, not even trying to conceal it. At one point, he half burped/ half gagged and spit half a mouth full of beer onto his shirt, which, for the sake of consistency, was about half the size and cleanliness that one would expect for public wear. The best part was that a MARTA cop was on that rail car, standing 15 feet from the guy at the most, looking straight at him during his "spill" and didn't even say anything.

-Following UGA's win over tech in Atlanta, I left the Omni Hotel after a few post game beers, hoping to take the train back to my place in Midtown. I entered the Philips Arena/ Ga Dome rail station. It was a little after 2:00a at this time. The station was empty, but I figured it was because it was late, nothing was going on at the Dome, and the the hockey game at Philips had concluded hours ago. I bought a ticket from the vending machine and proceeded to the platform. Nobody was down there, but the sign said that the next eastbound train was due in 15 minutes. I had a feeling something was wrong, but decided to wait it out, giving the situation 10 minutes to show some signs of life. About 5 minutes later, I hear a voice from the other end of the platform saying "Hey, what are you doing?" I look up and see a cop. I say "Waiting on the train." He says "Trains stopped running a few hours ago man. How'd you get down here?" I said "I bought a ticket and rode the escalator." He said "Ah man, I don't know why they don't lock this place. Next train won't run until the morning. You can't stay down here. Probably ought to get a cab." I said "Well, why did the machine sell me a ticket and why do these signs say that the next train is due in 15 minutes, and how was I just able to come down here?" He responded with "I don't know man. I guess the sign just defaults to that."

-"Hey man, think you could help me out?" This is a phrase heard often during a MARTA rail ride. I always chuckle at the irony of someone asking for extra change after they've (presumably) paid $2.00 to board the train in the first place.

-NOT passing my "Breeze Card" back. Fares are paid through a "Breeze Card", which is, either a paper or hard plastic card. The paper cards are not reusable, but the hard plastic cards, credit card sized, are "reloadable." Ever ridden the subway in New York? You know how you swipe your MTA card and pass it back to your friend, s/he swipes it too, and card is debited two fares (instead of one)? No dice on MARTA. After you "tap" your Breeze Card, the system "locks out" the card for 5-10 minutes, meaning that it can't be used again in that time. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. I wonder how much it costs to print all those extra paper and plastic Breeze Cards anyway.